im back :)

WWW.MYSPACE.COM/ALYSSIN_WONDERLAND

just click and add =D

Does it really matter if someone wears extentions, or uses photoshop? Well i really dont, most of the people you see on tv or in magazines or whatever, they're all phtoshop or fixed up somehow.

i recently cut my hair. so now i wear extentions. Before i DIDNT. ever. I used to be too cheap to buy them. SO please dont comment under my pictures OMG! fake hair...or something equally ridiculous. Yes i sometimes wear fake eyelashes, but must you point it out in every picture? It doesnt change who i am does it? i used to think looks where everything but there are people with actual brain that like work well for them and they have everything they need. Looks arent everything. On buzznet people just fix themselves up to get loads of comments. i dont really care, i dont live off of this website(i live off of facebook :P, im completely kidding) so really it doesnt matter what you think.

now my eyes. think what you want, i really couldnt give less a shit.

So please, just stop being complete losers are critisizing people for how they make their pictures look. it isnt worth it. and i'm not saying this is done to me or anything, i;ve just seen it alot and its really pointless. Let them be, however they want to be, its only Internet. None of it is real. especially with all the fakes going around now (you can comment under their FAKE pictures XD)

Okay, I dont know if im the only one who'd noticed this but everytime i look at the side box of the screen (like the mini feed thing) its always a picture of the SAME girl with black hair, usually Jennifer Genuine or DaniGore or Brittany Kramer, and people are constantly saying its them, and clearly it isnt. This week on facebook, i got about a dozen adds of the same girl in their profile picture saying its them. Come on people, just post picture of what you actually look like, or at least dont say its you when it isnt. I hate fakes. Please, if your a fake dont even both having anything to do with me. Basically, stop faek being someone your not okay? it's not cool, and it seem bloody tough too (if you know what i mean).

[sorry if i offended anyone, i really didnt mean to.]

This has nothing to do with me really, but is it wierd to Like your second cousin?

Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery... MY ASS

be yourself.

you might think im a huge loser because i actually want to go back to school, but seriously i hate summer. it makes me fat :( you see during school im always preoccupied with my 'studies' so im not extremely bored and resort to eating like a fucking pig. therefor i loose weight and become somewhat skinny. i feel i dont need to eat i am honestly never hungry but i just cant help myself. its like human nature right? but its like gross, why do it? sure you could die, but with the way my life is going right now i'll take that.

when i was 8 years old i was watching a fashion show with my mother and she kept telling me how those girls have it made and ever since then i wanted to be one, but with this cursed body i dont think i can. by the way they dont have it made, they struggle with their weight also, and they have people telling them, pressuring them all the time. i bet its easier. with people helping you to be skinny i mean. Anyway, i want to loose every ounce of loard on my body, sure its probably dnot going to be possible but im going to try.

the starvation begins in 2 days.

i really believe i can do it. especially with school everyday. weekends are going to be a bitch though. looking back on last year, i used to hate weekends, try and make plans with who ever i could because i cant eat infront of people, havent been able to since i was 11, i dont know why thats just how messed up i am.

Sure, some people tell me im already perfect, fine, skinny, whatever. but think about it, if a fat person asked you if they were fat you wouldnt say yes would you? no exactly you wouldnt, so how do i know when someone is lying to me. i dont like having to live with this on my mind every second of every day. it takes over my mind, and like possesses me. getting dressed in the morning is a nightmare. everything i put on makes me look like a whale.

the sad thing is i even feel like a whale when i dont eat. and family dinners... well, they make me want to slit my wrists again. the other day my friend told me that i could have died from drinking 12 glasses of water straight. i was honestly only doing it to flush out toxins from my body and fill me up so i wouldnt eat, but now that i know it could kill me because of like osmosis or something, everytime i go to get a drink of water it crosses my mind...maybe just a few more glasses and ill be out of this nightmare.

a year ago i stole my moms diet pills. they worked. they were about an inch long and blue, but i felt they called to me. i got caught, when i left for camp they went through my drawers. by they i mean my entire family. fucking bastards.

in march i faighted twice. lack of food, and high blood pressure i was told. sometimes i wish i had never caled my dad from that snowy park, i wish i could have known what would have happened. every night i go to bed crying about my appreance, telling myself  'tomorrow you wont eat anything you cow.'. thats basically how i live everyday. suffering. FAT.

I live for the Academy is...
I honestly believe that my gypsy tears will protect me from aids.
I've only played video games four times.
I save Canadian Tire money.
The best feeling in the world for me is being drunk.
I’m scared of cutting my hair.
I start laughing randomly not because I’m crazy but because I remembered something funny.
Incest. Hahaha.
Georgia Nicolson's diaries are my bible.
I like pain; I can’t feel it.
I hate going in tropical geographic locations.
I will be famous, wait.
Shag is a will always be my favorite word.
I love television.
There’s an awesome feeling that comes with getting lost in a mosh pit.
Mascara is one of my top favorite things about life.
I’d like to be a pro skater, yeah that's right skateboarding.
I cry everyday ask anyone.
I’m never satisfied.
One of my goals in life is to make a jackass video.
I don't believe in the first time being 'special'.
I’m scared of dogs.
Deja vu drives me to the brink of insanity.
My parents have threatened to send me to a mental institution.
No means Yes.
I love bones.
I think cheap guys are cute.
I like shiny things.
I superglue things to my face.
I liked to pretend I had bangs.
I love my friends and I'd die for them.
I think I should have been a boy.
I’m a spazz.
I have a photographic memory.
I change my mind every twelve seconds.
I’m totally normal when I want to be.
I hate jewelry but I love it too.
You’re only attractive if you have cheekbones (no exceptions).
I hate my family but I love yours.
The nails on my right hand don’t grow.
At some point in my life I want to be a stripper.
I studied for the first time of my life this year.
I’m so lazy.
Just because my boyfriend is 'emo' doesn’t mean I am.
Labels are ridiculous.
I think thesauruses are fascinating.
Ditto atlases.
I can’t not spend money.
I can’t go a day without knowing the exact location of my ipod.
I have a dirty mind because of my catholic friend.
I wish I had an older brother who could buy me beer.
I’m going to be my little brother's older brother that I never had.
I don’t usually brush my hair.
Fresh laundry is an aphrodisiac.
Flat is lucky.
Every time I walk by my pool I contemplate drowning myself.
I’m a rebel in ballet.
I’d give anything to be a model.
I absolutely adore taking pictures.
Jac Vanek is my idol<3
I have a studio in my room.
The most beautiful person ever to walk this earth to me is William Beckett.
I hate rnb and pop music.
I think its pretty when patterns clash.
I make stereotypical movies with my best friend.
I’m sixteen.
I’ve never gone one straight year with one guy.
I enjoy mentally and psychologically injuring myself, but only after its done.
My friend cuts my hair.
I’m so vain...sometimes.
I love camping.
I love fires.
I adore cities and I'm   moving to L.A.
Lemondade is literally my favorite bevrage.
I like gross things. like dead people, and blood.

hey guys :)

it seems like everone has facebook now, whats the big deal? So i was just wondering what people on buzznet think of facebook.

heyy everyone, im at camp for the next two weeks so i probably wont be posting anything or writing any journals, but keep commenting and doing whatever you do =D

oh and by the way, my camp is a SCIENCE camp, thats how nerdy i am. tehe

i wrote this because i was horribly depressed. it probably will mean nothing to you if you do decide to read this which you probably wont. But if you do decide to read it atleast read the whole thing, i think it kind of comes together at the end. it may seem long but it really isnt. every line means something to me, if your super smart you ight get it. well actually you might not even need to be SUPER smart. whatever.

 

I hate you jess

I hate your dress

The size

My eyes

They burn

 

In the fire

Extinguished

Gold silver bronze

Last place

Ashamed face

Empty track alone

 

I hate to choose

I hate to loose

Win

Tie

Forfeit

 

Exacto knife

Razor blade

Slit wrists

So afraid

 

Wanting loneliness

Yet fearing it

Unsure

Hearing it

Trees

Branches

Needles

Leaves

For once I don’t hate

 

Numbers

Lumber

Cucumber

Here it goes again

 

Beauty

Perfection

Facemask

Objection

Judge

Law

Jail

Execution

 

Bring him back

It won’t happen

Unless you go for him

 

Pin up rip down

Push him in the oven

Max heat

Burning

The cremations starting

 

Creepy feeling

Kicking, crying, heaving

Illegal driving, smoking, flying

High above the ceiling

 

Good pain bad pain

Whipped, beten, pleading

Lampshade, readymade

Follow instructions to assemble

Piece by piece, gentle, careful

Snap, split, bang, crack

Coke snorted, heaven

Uptown, downtown

What a bitch, a scary clown

Bitter coffee, sour candy,

All disgusting, sickatating

Live strong diehard

Untrue life’s hard

Too tough had enough

Good intentions bad stuff

Drugs butter, crisps blubber

Food fame

Motherfucker

Lover love her loved her fuck her

Leave her forget her

Funeral; 6 years later

Regret

Doesn’t matter

Pretty sick patter

Think ahead, smash your head

Car crash, fire, 911, wires

Water doesn’t mix

Deep beep

Electrocute

Not so cute

 

I have ballet

I hate my body

Face

Nose

Attitude

I hate my social life

My paranoia

My obsessions

I hate my cravings

My arguments with myself

My attention

I hate my height

I hate my worries

My problems

My room

My guts, thighs, tits

My groom

I hate food

Overwhelming, tempting, calling you.

Get out you fucking shits you ruined my life

My brain

My sights

Distorted images

Such a fright

Stick legs. Rib cage

Soap and rubber

Flat surface, everglades

Bumps, rapids, water

 

I hate cities

I hate countries

Towns

Farms

Suburbs

I hate here

I hate there

Home

Europe

Russia

 

I hate weeds

Flowers

Honey cut off the roses

Peace, war, love, hate

Japan, Iraq, Rwanda

Friends, enemies, teachers, family

Best friends, backstab, secrets

 

Alone inside

Dry eyes

Arizona, Texas, New Mexico

Hips, bangs, waist, layers

Mohawks, mullets, highlights

I hate looks I hate judges

Boats

Airplanes

Cars

Safe trains, public transport

Strong legs and a heavy heart

Yellow orange

Blue green

Black white

Freezing

I hate heat

I hate cold

Never satisfied

Getting old

 

Math science history religion

Forced to think these things happen

Left right up down east west

Stop, drown

Inhale exhale, water, shovel sand pale

With grandpa there she goes

Sand snow cones

Float, sink drift swim

 

Sunblock, sunglasses, sunlamp, son

Brother, father, sister, mother

Around the corner

Down a hole

 

I hate violence

I hate death

Blood

Screaming

Cops

Knife

Gunshot wound to the head

Fatal.

Dead.

 

Niece, nephew, aunt, uncle

Gathered together in a circle

6,7,8,9

Medication time

1 too many, 2 too many, 3, 4, 19, 20

Midnight

No light

Liver failure

No point no fight

She hates me I hate him he hates her she hates him

D.O.G.

G.O.D

L.S.D.

P.C.P.

Mushrooms, peppers, onions, letters

Hate mail, love string,

Attached to my wrist

Remembering

Bangles, bracelets, necklace, chocker

Choke her, leave her, miss her, need her

 

Laugh, cry

Joke, whine

He’s fine, there fine

A bottle of wine,

1 more, 2 more,

Out the secrets pour

1 truth, 2 truths

I more, 3 friends no more

Believe me I hate thee

But most of all, I hate me.

 

 

 

okay im like seriously retarded. i spend like six hours trying to figure something out then i think i get it and i remeber like the next day what i thought i got was completely wrong. im like the slowest thing ever, its unbelieveable that im passing math. well for now at least. its no wonder people think im always baked, because i make no sense whatsoever. and sometimes the simplest things i have to like over analyze them and think like wayyy beyond the simpleness of it. I dont even know if im making sense now, i mean i am to me but what if tomorrow i randomly think 'woah what the fuck was going through my head when i was writing that? am i like schizophrenic or something?' anyway all i know is that im fucked up and i am never going to get to bed meaning ill be out of it all day tomorrow and fasil my math test which i so totally MUST pass, then screw up my art history presentation and fail that course too. Well at least schools done in precisely five days. Thank god! Then i can get a job and make money then get my hair done<3.

Okay now that i have had nearly a week to calm down, i went to the honda civic tour on saturday and i saw fricken WILLIAM BECKETT AND I LOVE HIM. thats pretty much it, because im going crazy again! =]

Ohmygod! okay so i know some people may think im the biggest loser even for being so fucking excited for the new Gossip Girl show to premier. I literally screamed and fraeked when i saw the preview video thing. it looks sooo fucking amazing! and i love that chick whos playing Serena, Blake Lively she is awesome. okay i really should shut up before i get wayyyy carried away. But i totally wish that the catholic school i attended was like their and not so...umm...ghetto?(sorry =S) If i knew thta when i die id be reincarnated into like a rich chick like that id kill myself in a second.

Okay so this is my first entry. i've never had a journal before
. well i dyed my hair this weekend black and white its pretty cool but my mom flipped. i dont care. Chris and Dee broke up tody and it was soooo sad considering they;ve been together for literally five years. Dees my bestfriends and ill alwasy be there for her no matter what. So that means that eventually i will go bring her some ice cream maybe in an hour or so... haha she just lives up the street so its not that hard. I love her, shes my bestie<3